Back from Hospital, back to myself

 Hello, my fellas. I wish you a beautiful morning (or other timezone).

 

It's been a while since I wrote here or even checked the forums or Discord. Two months ago, I got a crucial ligament tear, my front knee ligament was completely torn apart and needed a replacement. I've been in hospital on Wednesday two weeks ago and now got surgery on Monday. I've been in hospital for a few days, I could go back home three days after the surgery. And in this time, I learned something crucial about myself.

 

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Sometimes you

have to let go to

be able to embrace

yourself.

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Shortly before my surgery, I started thinking that I might be a simple Eastern dragon of traditional looks. I drew what I thought to be myself, I embraced the Eastern Dragon completely and wholeheartedly. And I was sure that I'm on the right path.

 

Now, the time that I spent laying in bed, both in hospital and at home, I realized that I'm wrong. I'm just this simple (am I so simple?) drake that I introduced myself as. This beach and mountains loving, heavily armored, small-ish creature with a preference for seafood. Nothing more and nothing less. The time I was able to spend without the input from strangers on the internet, videos, articles and so on brought me back to myself. And I learned how to let go of doubts and insecurities, how to strengthen my identity in itself. And it feels good but also scary. Have I found the answer? Supposedly, I did. I had to let go to get the answer right, to feel what I fought to feel for over a decade.

 

Though, I can't embrace my identity that much rn. I'm still tied to bed, no sports for a few months and artists switch to payment methods which I can't use. Now I'm happy and sad at the same time. That sounds like a rollercoaster and trust me, it is.

 

However, maybe this had to happen. Maybe this injury was meant to be, so that I can learn how to relax properly, how to let go, how to accept myself. Especially the latter, because I love to eat and I love doing sports. If I'm only allowed to eat and lay rn, you can imagine that I'm gaining back some pounds. While this feels disheartening, I know that it's a natural result of the injury and it's not forever. And that mindset helped me a lot with my identity as well. Same as the sudden realization that life is short and I should do what I really desire to do. I should have fun. Do not live in regret. Be grateful and enjoy life.

 

Well, it's been a bit of a wall of text but maybe some enjoy reading this. And even if not, it does good to write it all down.